After Death Communications - My Personal Experiences

In the weeks after her funeral - her spirit came and told me it was time to let go of my hand. I was going to have to learn to walk alone again. I often used a parable about Wylie Coyote. I felt a boulder had dropped on my head and I called out to God for help. The boulder was lifted and I was walking around like and accordian. There was a different type of sound and music pouring out from my heart. Something I hadn't experienced before yet - I could hear a whistle above me. God was dropping that boulder back down on my head again and I was going to have to prepare myself for the impact - and gather up the strength to pick myself up and walk again. Like bomb whistling off in the distance whistling toward. The minute she let go of my hand - I knew I was going to be on my knees in tears again. It was inevitable.

Prior to her departure - I was asking her spirit for advise.

"How the heck am I supposed to think to keep me focused on living some kind of life. What hope do I have now?"

I had a belief within me that there was only one true love type of soul mate. It was a topic of conversation with my best friend and blood brother in the past. We believed there was only one girl walking around with our names written on their hearts. Not two. Not three. Not four. Only one your heart belonged to. I knew I would never again experience the love she had brought into my life.

I had a long chat in an ADC about how I was supposed to look at things to help me in the coming months. She told me a parable and then told me to 'meditate' and give my prayer to God silently within and God would help clarify the point outwardly in a way I could and would remember for many years to come.

I was having trouble grasping the reality of our ADC's even during the midst of them happening. It was a sur-real reality that you had to strain your mind to grasp and listen to. It was not material or physical. It was spiritual, silent, hidden and coming to me from within.

Everyone knew it including me. It was a Romeo and Juliet type of love affair and the outlook for me was grim. I had no will or desire to live without her in my life. I was starting to think about revenge and I didn't care if I went out in a blaze of glory getting it to join her on the other side. I talked to one of the Detectives in the case and expressed the 'dark desire' eating me up inside. He and many others advised me once again to change locations and get away from the constant reminder of her loss.

Many people found it hard to believe I was getting advice from the 'other side' as well. It was a reality I wanted to talk about and get confirmation of. People theorized I was hallucinating her 'presence' in my subconscious as a way to struggle to do the right thing. Killing the murderer with my bare hands wasn't going to bring her back into the world. If I had a dime for every time I heard that said to me - I could have retired a very young man.

It was her spirit giving my advice (through the ADC) that I was taking to heart. Her spirit told me that once she let go of my hand she was going to be walking behind me (silently in spirit) - and be there to catch me when I fell down in an effort to give me the nudge to help lift me up. I didn't like the idea of her presence 'evaporating' into a silent mist hidden from my sight.

We went through a 'test period' of trying to walk alone. I felt like a child learning to walk all over again. I went a few weeks and every time I was overcome with grief and reduced to tears - I would hear her whispering behind me,

"Get a hold of your self. You're embarrassing the hell out of me over her. There are other spirits here with me watching you."

I would go a day without feeling the pain. Then we tried to stretch it out to two days. Then three days. Then four days. Each new record was an accomplishment we rejoiced in together - just like a child learning to walk.

I made plans to attend a concert and then change locations to start over again. I decided to move back to the City I had once ran to for refuge in the storm of controversy in the past.