Childhood NDE's: Dark Years
When I woke up with amnesia in 1978 - I had no memories of my childhood. It was a blank slate and my Mom suggested that I look at the photo albums my Dad kept to help trigger memories. It didn't help. It was like looking at the family album of strangers.
You could tell from the photographs that something happened in the history of the family after 1st grade. Everyone had a 'shell shock' look on their faces in the photographs from 1967 to 1969. It was night and day. There was the financial issue of all the medical costs that came into play and then the legal issues. My Dad told me (in 1978) that that 'screams' of pain drew the attention of the neighbors who felt I was being tortured beyond belief. They called the authorities and there was a legal investigation. there were some who felt I should be institutionalized in a medial facility. There was noting the Doctors could do to stop the condition from 'spreading.' My heart had a scar on it and the growth process was stretching the scar and causing tiny pinholes There wasn't a name for the condition so that caused concern among the other parents who felt their own children were at risk for catching a contagious disease. My family had to hire an attorney to keep custody of me.
I wasn't aware of all the maneuvers that went on during that period because of the stress I was in as it was. but the stress got to be too much for my parents and they split up and separated for awhile.
We had to move out of my hometown to get away from the neighbors who had made it their business to see me locked up in a hospital. My parents were going by the Doctors advise and felt I only had a few years to live. I was well aware that my parents were taking their pain out on one another and it was causing stress and strain in their relationship.
When we moved - I was still in 1st grade and it became a normal pattern to hide my 'sickness' away from the prying eyes and ears of the new neighbors as well as classmates and teachers at my new school. I was unsuccessful and had an 'attack' at new school within the first week.
I was perfectly healthy and normal during 99% of the time. It was just during that 1% episode when I went into what some called an epileptic fit. I would fall down on the ground and going into a seizure and then lose all vital signs. Once that sight was in the eyes of anyone - they couldn't forget it and were always trying to work within my best interest but - wouldn't understand everything my parents and I had been through with the Doctors. Medical science had no cure for what ailed me and couldn't give me anything to stop the heart from the 'pinhole tears' other than to do a heart transplant. That sort of medical science was in it's infancy and was not an option for my case. It was experimental and would have led to more problems than it would have solved.
The idea that some people would look at me as if I was performing 'witchcraft' was a concern of my parents as well. We had our hands full withe epileptic episodes that called attention to us. The idea that I would start talking about and then 'showing my spirit' to people in a crowded situation scared my parents because they thought the crowed would react like it was at a Salem witch hunt trail. They would burn me at the stake before they found out the truth about it.
I transferred schools many times during the 2nd grade and I was constantly being told that if I wanted to live out my days at home - then I had to fit in at school or be labeled a 'freak.' We would work with the school nurses and show the medical papers we had retained. I had to be allowed free rein to run to the nurses station to take a 'short' and quick nap if my chest started thumping. It was a matter or training myself during that time to keep it quiet, secret and hidden.
The dark stage was when my parents separated for a short time. They reunited when I was in 3rd grade and it was a struggle to get back to a level of normalcy and maintain my condition in a secret manner.
I was being given sedatives during that time but they never worked and they had to increase the dosage to the point that I was taken a horse pill by the time I was in 3rd grade. It was so strong that it would knock me out for a week. I refused to take it any more. It was during this time when it blew up again and attention was drawn to us - and we had to go to court over custody issues.
Some people felt it was better for me to be in a hospital getting around the clock medical care. They just wanted to quarantine me and keep themselves from the fear that I as contagious. The judge asked me why I refused to take the 'horse pill' and I asked him how long it had been since he wore a diaper and had his Momma feed him baby food. He laughed and asked why and I told him that is what the pill did to me. I would have to wear a diaper for days because I wouldn't be able to control my own bowel movements and couldn't feed my self. I told him the pill was sending me backwards instead of forwards. He agreed with me and felt it was my own decision to suffer the pain in dignity. That is when we had to do something to drown out the noise of my cries to spare the neighbors from the sound of my agony and torment. My Grandmother bought me a record player and my Dad bought me a rubber bit mouth piece.
When the pain came - I would run to the bedroom and turn on the record play to full volume and put my rubber bit into my mouth.
The Doctors felt that it was a miracle that I was alive after 2 years. I had displayed superhuman strength several times during a crisis and they thought my body was counteracting the medical condition by producing a powerful stream of adrenaline to fight the internal injuries inside of me.
They too wanted to put me in a controlled environment and study my body like a guinea pig in a cage. I had to make an agreement with them. I told them that if they took me away from my family - I would die within a week of being locked up in a hospital. I would give up the will to live without my family around me.
It was after the 3rd grade that we were able to maintain a level of normalcy for a few years time.
My other Grandparents had became concerned and I had seen my other Grandmother lose control of her emotions and cry in front of me. I started hatching a plan to help them take my word over the Doctors word about the life expectancy issue. In the 'near death experience' when I encountered the guardian angels - they told me that I was going to live for many years to come - after my condition slowed down when the growth period stopped. I came up with a plan to send my grandparents a special delivery letter similar to the incident I had shared with my other Grandmother.
The 'spirit guides' had told me that my other Grandparents were not of the same mindset as my other Grandmother. They wouldn't be able to call the right play before hand for a game of hide and seek. Instead, I had to hand deliver a note to them during one of my future NDE's.